Faith's Greatest Test

I got off the phone a moment ago with Jackie Patru.

She had sent me a book to post on the Sweet Liberty site, and had discovered that it wasn't complete. She had called to let me know that she was sending me a revised edition.

While we talked, we got into some real deep spiritual issues — as we often have. She made the statement that God is love. Even though I really have always believed that is true, I asked her: "How do you know that?"

I've always had certain nagging questions that have never been settled. Questions about the Bible's origin and questions about God, Himself.

Yet, as I survey the reality of suffering imposed upon innocent individuals in this world, the question has to be asked: Why, God do you allow this? How could and why does He allow this type of thing to occur, if He is, in fact, a loving God?

These are the questions that I attempted to tackle when I launched my first website, Doubters Dot Net.

Having been a Christian my whole life, and having been raised in the Christian faith, belief in the Divine has been like breathing to me. He has been a companion to me during all of the times that I've been misunderstood and felt alone.

Prior to being married to a woman who was accepting of me, it was God who accepted me. It was He who stood beside me when I hurt, felt inadequate, or devoid of self-worth. Or at least I believed He was there. I believed that I felt His presence.

And yet, my questions persist.

I've always believed that the Christian church has failed in one major arena. They have failed to answer the most basic questions of the faith, and hence failed in properly equipping the saints to "always be ready" to give an answer when someone asks why they have the hope that is within them, as it says in I Peter 3:15.

We are taught at church that we must accept everything by faith. We cannot doubt, as doubting amounts to sin. And the Bible says that without faith, it is impossible to please God. Yet, how do we know that the Bible is even God's word?

It has been my belief from the beginning, that God didn't give me a brain for me to put it into neutral and not use it. If God had wanted that, would He not have made us all robots — incapable of diverse thought?

With that belief in tow, I set out to do the job that the Christian church is largely neglecting. I was going to prove everything that I had always believed to be true.

I began doing research and discovered that the evidence is really overwhelming that God exists. I also believe that there is evidence that He cares for us, and even loves us.

The evidence of the Bible's origin, however, is something with which I've had a great deal of difficulty. Christian apologists that I've read attribute the Bible's origin to the Jews. And yet the Bible portrays God as favoring the Jews over everyone else as His "chosen" people. It sounds a bit like a conflict of interest to me. If the Jews gave us the Bible, and the Bible favors the Jews over the gentiles, that makes me wonder.

I don't understand how a loving God could show favoritism to a specific group of people and still be a loving and just God.

If I, as a parent, were to "choose" one of my daughters over the other, I would be — by many people's definition — a pathetically poor parent. Sadly, many parents do this, and the scars of their "lesser" children linger often long into their adult lives. Indeed, many times the wounds never heal.

Yet, my religion has taught me that this is precisely what God has done with the Jews. He has favored them above all. And it was only when they rejected the message of salvation, would it then be presented to the gentiles. It is as if we gentiles are second-class citizens in God's heavenly kingdom.

Now, how could the standard, that so rightfully would apply to me as a parent, not rightfully apply to a Father who happens to be the Creator of the universe?

Then there is the not-so-small question of human suffering. I have been repeatedly told that God is in control of all of the affairs of mankind. I desperately want to believe that.

However, I possess a rather substantial book called the Fox's Book of Martyrs, wherein it chronicles how the saints of old were ruthlessly and brutally tortured and murdered for refusing to recant their faith. Was God in control of their circumstance? If so, it would seem to me that it could have been handled quite better than it was. But then, who am I to criticize the Almighty?

I am aware that this life is a proving ground for things yet to come. I am aware that this life is not the real deal. I am aware that there is yet something greater coming our way. I just don't understand why innocent people have to suffer so much adversity along the journey to the next level — whatever that might be.

Clergy may believe they have all the answers. Until they begin realistically addressing the issues that I've raised here, the sermons they spout from pulpits all across America mount to little more than the steam of a noisy locomotive.