These Turkeys Don't Yield

By Darren Weeks

Thursday evening, I was in an accident.

Some turkey who wasn't paying attention to what he was doing, pulled out in front of me. I attempted to swerve and miss him, but he came at me full speed. What is worse, is that he had a bunch of friends with him. He and a whole bunch of his buddies were right there in the middle of the road. Even though I swerved, I couldn't help but hit him. He went up over my hood, hit my windshield, and shattered it to bits, showering me with glass.

He was a real turkey, all right. The genuine, "gobble gobble" variety.

Out where we live, in Michigan's rural countryside, we have a lot of wild turkeys. A group of them were crossing the street as I was coming back from an errand. One moment, I was happily driving along; the next minute I saw the turkeys. There was no time to slow down or stop. I braced for an impact that I thought would only be the sickening thud that I usually heard under my car whenever wildlife decided to challenge my motor vehicle.

Much to my astonishment, and quicker than you can say "Thanksgiving Dinner", I was looking through a front windshield that had more cracks than a plumber's convention.



I never saw the turkey hit; I had shut my eyes just before the impact. I was glad that I had, because I had glass all over me afterward.





It almost went all the way through the windshield. Had it hit any harder, I might not be here to tell the story.

That thought reminds me of the time I narrowly avoided a head on collision on U.S. 127 when I was on the way home from work. A driver had been driving the wrong way on the highway, and had I not stopped to talk to a co-worker before leaving that morning, I would have been in the wrong place at the wrong time. That particular incident really disturbed me. The shock of seeing death, up close and personal for the first time, impacted me deeply for several days.

Thankfully, this latest mess will cost me nothing but the inconvenience of not having the truck in service for a day or two. Since we have a lot of deer in the area, I took out the extended insurance policy to cover wildlife. My deductible is zero.

As for the turkey, Michelle attempted to find it, but never could. My father-in-law swears that someone took it. I really doubt it. I mean, who eats road kill? You'd really have to be a bottom feeder to —


I should have figured.